What expectations do you have when you show up to work out?  What does it mean to work out?  Are you trying to achieve new numbers?  Make yourself feel good?  De-stress?  Are you ready to let go of that?

Now that work was lightening up, I was looking forward to just getting some good gym and yoga time in.  I had problems sleeping Thursday night, late night yoga, even Yin, makes it tough on me.  I had plans to wake up Friday morning and do some Spin, then do a session with Leslie (legs), then some evening hot yoga.  Just go crazy.

Then I woke up at 5 am and my body cried out NO!

So I laid back down.  And slept for another TWO HOURS.  I think I needed it.

OK, new plan, forget about Spin, do weights then yoga.  I was shaky all through work.  Someone came around selling treats for Christmas for charity, so I bought a cupcake, ate it.  I went nuts for about 2 min, then got really cranky for about 30 min, just angry and miserable.  I think it was a sugar crash mixed with exhaustion.  Just an unhappy day.

When I walked out of work, I realized I just did not have the mojo to make it quick enough from the gym w Leslie to hot yoga.  My feet were dragging.  So I phoned Leslie and asked if we could reschedule.  To my deep gratitude, Leslie said we could push our session to Saturday at 10 am.  Awesome!

So I went home after work and napped for about 40 min.  Then headed to hot yoga.

Friday night class, meaning packed full of new enthusiastic people 🙂

I got there a little early, feeling a little grungy, frankly.  My plan was to shower, THEN do the class, then shower again then go home and crash.  Honestly, sitting in the changeroom, my stomach felt very queasy.  I had to take stock of where I was at.  I decided the queasiness was due to tiredness, when I get super tired I don’t digest food as easy.  If it was stomach problems due to getting sick, I would have gone home.  So… hmmm, how to be demure here… not possible.  I had a sit on the facilities.  Then I took a hot shower.  Then I got changed and went to the hot room, found a spot for myself where I thought I would have the most room (playing the angles).

5 min after lying down on my mat, my stomach started to churn again… oh no.  I got up, went back to the bathroom, had another moment.  I seriously started to wonder if I was going to have to cancel out of class.  I started to fear I was going to fail out of the 30 day challenge due to exhaustion.  I wasn’t sick, I was just so tired my stomach wouldn’t calm down.

Since it was just physical and not a virus, I decided to go back to the mat and try to do the class anyways.  Lying there on the mat, I felt shaky and weak.  Just not a yoga star at all tonight.  I decided to let go of my attachment to “finding my edge”, to extending and stretching and flexing and pushing, and just… go through the motions.  Just let go of my attachment to performing, and just perform.  Shut my brain off and do what the teacher says, let go of the ego and just have a soft practice.

Class wasn’t too bad, actually.  I did my thing, without judging myself.  Back bends weren’t as deep, forward folds were gentler, but even still, I was not shy.  I did extended side planks when asked, even when other people were groaning and protesting and falling over, I just explored the side plank (got a “nice, Jeremy” from the teacher as well, haha).  Just breathed and flowed.

Not that flowing was always easy.  There was a tall young woman on the mat ahead of me who wasn’t moving too mindfully, and she almost kicked me in the head about 3 times, hahaha!  I can speak on this because I am tall, and I am always aware of how much room I have to work with.  When extending my leg into 3 legged Dog, I often bend my knee when I raise up, often looking between my legs to see where my neighbour is at.  When the class is crowded, I try to get extra graceful 🙂  This woman however, not so much, haha.  So now, when it was time to go into 3 legged Dog, I had to look up first to see where her foot was, occasionally needing to weave to the left.

Once, we were in toppling tree, and her foot was stuck straight out, and right underneath my face (we were teeter tottering on one foot).  I was thinking, please dont shoot your foot straight up and smack me square in the face, please please please.  then the teacher went, “drop your hands to the ground”, and I’m like, oh shit!!  Then the teacher said, “standing splits”, which I was worried was coming next so I swung my head to the left and avoided my neighbour’s foot shooting straight up.  The whole process kind of threw off my balance poses for a few minutes until I could get my focus back.

But my stomach held strong.  When we were in childs pose near the end of class, the teacher even came and rubbed my lower back for a few seconds, which was nice.

SOOO close to failing the 30 day challenge, but I held on!  Not every practice needs to be awesome, sometimes all you need is to show up and have a softer practice.  It felt like the day was conspiring against me, I had to retreat on both the resistance training and the pure cardio, but I hung tough on the yoga challenge.

Day 26 down!  On to the weekend!