Today was a rest day.  I did an hour of Spin, running lots of errands, time to reflect.

So what does FF stand for?  Check out the title of my video link above.  Fat F*#%

What is an FF Mentality?  You think that you can’t compete physically, and the only way you can approach the world is by being funny, or by doing something poorly and poking fun at yourself while you do it.  You don’t feel like a competitor, you feel like comedy relief.

Look at the video above again.  While I find that clip hilarious and that movie hilarious, that was how I approached my physical activities growing up.  I didn’t think I could do the sport WELL, so I jumped in and did it and goofed off, or at the very least, didn’t allow myself to expect to do well.  I cultivated this mentality of being ready to swing and miss and then go sit back down, to slip and fall off the diving board and make people laugh, then go sit back down.  When it was my time for the spotlight, I got ready to make them laugh.  You become the opposite of an athlete, you become a clown.

This summer is about dealing with that mentality, about stepping into the spotlight and not only competing, but having them take you seriously.  I have put in a lot of hard work off and on in the gym over the past few years, I am very comfortable there and am all business when it is just me, but when I have a workout partner or a trainer, I still have this tendency to slip back into the “make them laugh” mentality.  It was a way of socializing while I grew up, and it’s hard to shake.

Even when I thought about making my Fusion bench press video, I long considered making it as goofy as possible.  I didn’t think instinctively I could just do it cut and dry.

I still have this nagging fear that people are watching me when I work out, and are laughing at me.

I recognize that for me to advance in my training, for me to build the body I want, for me to win this Body Transformation challenge, I have to shed the identity of clown, and reclaim the identity of athlete.  Everyone starts out as a kid being told the object is to win the game, but in the first few tries, you start to get shuffled into this pecking order.  And the athletes grew up fit, and the fat kids grew up funny.

If you try hard, if you train like an athlete and consistently show up and put in the work, guess what?  You are an athlete.  Stop doubting yourself.