Took stock tonight and realized I have fallen off the wagon a bit.  For the past month now, I have been using the Cut word, but have I really carried through with it??

At Xmas, I ate a bit of junk, but kept up my workouts.  It wasn’t too bad.  Then I went on vacation.  Couldn’t do the workouts I wanted to do, so stopped doing workouts.  Ate pretty clean though, was just lazy.

After coming back from vacation, I needed to make time in my life for my job, and had to start spending evenings catching up.  So I made a conscious decision to skip workouts so I could get through the “hell week” mentality.  But as soon as I skipped workouts, I started really missing that “good feeling” I get.  So I started filling it with food.

So I have been skipping workouts, drinking more energy drinks than water, working late hours… and now stuffing in junk food.

Trainer told me the other day she could see the fluff building up on me.

I feel bad, not only for losing sight of my priorities, but also for claiming something on this journal that wasn’t – “Cut Day XX” was a big joke.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say “I’m Sorry”, because I made conscious decisions; but each of those conscious decisions was allowed to build up, and I waited too long to counteract them.  I deferred my fitness until it was convenient, and now it feels like I have backslid a bit.  I don’t want anyone reading to think I am pretending something that I am not.  So I am coming clean about what I HAVEN’T been writing in this journal.  I have been living in denial about truly reporting on my fitness journey, and not holding myself accountable.

But!  Moving forward.  I meet with the PT tomorrow to take stock of all the damage, and to start over again and start moving back in a positive direction.